


Freudian Slip

by Dandy



Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandy/pseuds/Dandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Makoto stirred, just enough to push his head more into Rei’s hand, his eyes half-lidded, and said, quietly, “Mm, Rin-chan…” </p>
<p>Rei sat straight up, making a sound like a wounded animal.</p>
<p>“RIN-CHAN!?”"</p>
<p>In which saying the wrong name post-coitus causes a bit of an incident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freudian Slip

**Author's Note:**

> Set sometime between the prefectural tournament and regionals. 
> 
> This is the natural conclusion of my love for polyamory and Rei angst.
> 
> I only sort of proofread this.

The tent was uncomfortably warm while under their blankets, so Rei decided to lie on top of them instead. He was tired, a good tired, still sticky with sweat and sex. In fact, he would already be asleep if he weren’t hot, and if Nagisa weren’t wiggling around so much next to him.

He sat up on his elbows and looked around, studying the face of each of his teammates turned lovers. They were beautiful in their own way, all three of them, and he never got tired of looking at them.

After he’d joined the swim team and learned about Rin-chan, he’d felt like a replacement. They’d needed someone so they could enter competition, needed someone who could swim butterfly, and Rei had, eventually, fit the bill. But not as good as Rin-chan. He was trying hard, everyday, but he worried almost constantly that his hard work would never be enough.

But this wasn’t the pool, or practice. This was their bed (such as it was), and here, he was just Rei. Not Rin-chan’s replacement, not the requisite butterfly swimmer. Rin had never been a part of this. This was something he had between them that Rin hadn’t.

He’d never felt quite so happy in his life. Sure, tomorrow he’d go back to his real life and worry about school and practice and what his parents would think if they knew he was dating not only a boy but three boys at once, but tonight they were camping on the beach outside town, and he didn’t care about any of those things.

Nagisa wiggled into his arm, and he ran a hand through the shorter boy’s hair. He mumbled something and fell into a deeper, more still sleep. Rei smiled to himself.

Makoto made a noise in his sleep, and Rei looked to his left to check on him. It looked like whatever dream he was having was good, though, as he was smiling, but Rei still reached up to card a hand through his brown hair fondly, as well. Maybe he could reach over and do the same to Haruka, without waking any of them up. It was silly but romantic, not to mention symmetrical, and he liked the idea.

Makoto stirred, just enough to push his head more into Rei’s hand, his eyes half-lidded, and said, quietly, “Mm, Rin-chan…” 

Rei sat straight up, making a sound like a wounded animal.

“RIN-CHAN!?”

The other three woke up immediately, all looking around in alarm. Makoto gripped Haru’s arm on reflex, while Nagisa grabbed for his bag, ready to use it as a shield or a weapon against an attacker.

They found no one but Rei, furious and seething.

“Rin-chan,” he repeated, covering his face with one hand. “Rin-chan, Rin-chan, even here…”

“What are you talking about, Rei-chan?” asked Nagisa in a voice so innocent it hurt. Rei felt tears sting the corner of his eyes, but the anger burned hotter. 

“He,” and here, he jutted a finger at Makoto, still not taking his other hand off his face, “seems to be confused about who I am. He thought I was your precious Rin-chan.”

Makoto made a strangled noise, face turning chalk white. “No, I… I’m sure you just misheard, Rei, I would never-“

“I didn’t _mishear_ anything!” he yelled, finally dropping his hand from his face. Nagisa and Makoto both shrank back from him, while Haru watched, seemingly impassive. “I know what I heard. You called me Rin!”

“Calm down,” said Haru, voice soft and subdued as always. “He didn’t mean to. Don’t get so worked up.”

“Don’t-“ Rei’s voice choked off before he could get further. He gaped at Haru, staring at him so calmly, at Makoto’s stricken face, and he realized he couldn’t stay here.

He turned and bolted, ignoring Nagisa’s cry when he trod on the other boy’s knee. He was temporarily delayed by the zipper on the tent door, but got it down with a frustrated growl, stumbled out onto the sand, and _ran_.

…

“REI-CHAN!” called Nagisa frantically, leaning halfway out of the tent door, but Rei was already several meters down the beach. “REI-CHAN!” he yelled again, starting to give chase, but Haru leaned over Makoto so he could grab the boy’s ankle.

“Give him a minute,” he suggested, though he looked less calm than he had before. Shaken, even, if Makoto had to give a word to it. He rarely saw Haru as shaken as he looked now.

“But Haru-chan!”

Knowing he was the cause made Makoto’s stomach knot. He would never intentionally hurt any of them, but that didn’t make unintentional injuries less painful. He put his face in his hands and said, “I’m sorry.”

His voice was quiet, but it still silenced Nagisa’s argument with Haru. They both looked at him, and he flinched as Haru put a hand on his back and Nagisa wiggled up against him.

“I was having a dream,” he continued in explanation. “We were all together… even Rin. I didn’t mean to say the wrong name.” He looked up at Haru, who wasn’t looking back, looking more sad than shaken now, and his stomach knotted harder. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mako-chan.” Nagisa pressed a kiss to his cheek before he could protest. “You didn’t mean to do anything. We all know that, even Rei knows that.”

Makoto sighed in despair. “I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t come back after that.”

“He’ll come back. He _has_ to!” Nagisa argued, and when Makoto looked at him, the blond looked distraught at the idea that Rei might leave them. He’d thought it wasn’t possible to feel worse, and now he did.

“…Maybe you _should_ go after him,” said Haru, and Nagisa nodded.

“He left his stuff,” said Makoto, stopping Nagisa at the opening of the tent once again. “I hope he comes back, but if he decides he wants to… wants to go home, I’m sure he’ll want his clothes and his phone.”

For a moment he thought Nagisa would argue, but then he just nodded and started gathering Rei’s things together. “I’ll take them _in case_ , but I’m sure he’ll come back. He has to,” he repeated, in a whine, but his hands were shaking.

“If he’ll listen to any of us right now, it’ll be you,” said Haru, and Nagisa gave him a big grin.

“I’m counting on it. We’ll be back in a bit!”

For the third time Nagisa leaned out the door, and this time he went, running off down the beach. Makoto put his face back in his hands, but couldn’t help leaning into the comforting hand Haru put on his back.

…

Rei didn’t let himself think until he was almost a kilometer up the beach. He didn’t _want_ to think. If he thought about what had just happened, he might fall apart. If he thought about them, he might go crawling back, and lose what dignity he had. If he thought about Rin, he might go find the guy, even though he’d never truly met him, and punch him square in the jaw. Rei felt like it was all _his_ fault, after all. If Rin hadn’t left them, they wouldn’t be pining after them all the time. He would have been on the swim team instead, and Rei would be on the track team, and he never would have found himself heartbroken and running across a beach at who knew when in the morning.

He never would have experienced their beautiful swimming, or the feeling of being in a relay with them, the feeling of winning with them. Never would have felt what it was like to have all of them move with him at once, panting their names, feeling the rush as their naked bodies rubbed against his, a feeling that was so illogical and yet so _amazing_ , so beautiful and perfect, that all he wanted was to feel it again…

Tears stung his eyes, and he reminded himself that he wasn’t thinking about it. If he thought about it, he’d go back, and they’d let him back in. For now. Unless Rin came back to them, and then he would be replaced, tossed aside. It was never him they’d wanted, it was always Rin-chan, Rin-chan-

He didn’t see the driftwood until he was tripping over it. He cried out as he fell forward, catching himself on his hands in a motion that jarred his shoulders, palms scraped by the sand. His ankle was smarting, and he wondered if it was twisted or sprained. That would be the perfect end to this terrible night.

For the first time, he realized how ridiculous he must look. He was running down the beach, naked, blind without his glasses, kneeling on the beach because he hadn’t seen the log that brought him down. It felt fitting, considering he’d looked ridiculous to them, believing they actually wanted him around.

Tentatively, he got up and put weight on his ankle. It was sore, but he’d sprained his ankle before and this didn’t feel that bad. Maybe he’d only scraped and bruised it. He walked away from the ocean, toward some trees. It held his weight, so it was probably fine. He should still go get it looked at, though, because if he was injured before…

Injured before what? He didn’t want to go to regionals after that, and he couldn’t go back to the track team. Why did it matter if his ankle were sprained or not?

He sat down against a tree trunk and curled up, head on his knees. He couldn’t even go home in this state, he realized. His clothes and glasses were back in the tent, and he couldn’t walk home naked and blind. His phone was there too, so he couldn’t call for help. Not that he wanted to explain to his parents why he was naked on a beach, alone, anyway.

The only way out would be to go back to the tent and get his stuff, but there was no way he could do that. It would be humiliating, and they would probably convince him to stay, anyway. Their replacement for Rin. They needed him. For now.

Resigned to live the rest of his life as a crazy, naked beach hermit, he gave into the tears on the edge of his eyelids.

…

It was easy enough for Nagisa to follow Rei’s path; while they weren’t the only ones on the beach tonight, they were the only ones still up and walking around, and Rei’s footprints stood out in the sand. He jogged along next to them, eyes straining in the dark for the familiar silhouette of Rei’s form.

Nagisa wasn’t normally a worrier; he left that kind of emotion to Rei or Makoto. But tonight, with the way Rei had looked, like he was falling apart at his very seams, he felt worry twist around in his stomach, a foul taste in his mouth. He was worried that Rei would leave them. He was worried that Rei might be hurt beyond repair. He was worried that if Rei left them, it would tear them all apart, just like Rin had.

He didn’t know if Haru or Makoto could take another Rin. He didn’t know if _he_ could take another Rin.

But Rei, he decided as he ran, was going to be different. He wasn’t thousands of miles away, he was right down the beach, and they were going to be sure he didn’t fall through the cracks.

“Rei-chan!” he started to call, emboldened by this thought. He’d give it a second before yelling again, listening hopefully for an answer, but there was nothing. He kept at it anyway.

After a bit, he came across a piece of driftwood, right in Rei’s path. Leaning down, he saw marks in the sand like someone had fallen down. He winced in sympathy – that had to hurt!

He hoped Rei’s ankle wasn’t injured. That could spell the end of any athlete’s season. But he also knew Rei would be acutely aware of that, and wouldn’t walk around on a potentially injured ankle before getting it checked out, so he should be nearby.

And, to confirm his suspicion, Nagisa found footprints heading away from the driftwood, up into the tree line.

He turned that way and walked, not yelling anymore. Suddenly he felt it would be better if he just came upon Rei calmly and casually.

It didn’t take long for that to happen, and the sight wrenched at Nagisa’s heart, that terrible worry in his chest. Rei was curled in on himself as much as he could, shaking a little with the tears he was still crying. He sobbed and sniffed while Nagisa looked down at him, and finally he squatted down next to Rei, reaching out a hand to put on his shoulder.

He realized belatedly that he had spent the whole run over thinking about how worried he was, but not what he would actually _say_ once he got here.

After a moment’s hesitation, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind when Rei finally lifted his head to meet his eyes.

“How’s your ankle?”

…

It took some gentle coaxing, but Makoto had finally lowered his hands from his face. Instead, he stared blankly at the tent fabric, Haru mimicking the position next to him.

Several minutes of silence had passed, and would have kept passing if Haru hadn’t suddenly spoken up.

“There’s nothing wrong with dreaming about him.”

Makoto smiled sadly, still not looking at his best friend and secretly favorite lover. “But it caused so many problems, didn’t it?”

“Rei will be fine. Nagisa went after him.”

Makoto smiled a little more brightly. “That’s true. Even if we hadn’t gotten together, I have a feeling those two would have.”

Haru didn’t answer verbally because it didn’t really need agreement. It was obvious.

“I worry about you, too,” Makoto added softly. “You dream about him more than I do, don’t you?”

Haru didn’t answer that, either.

…

“How’s your ankle?”

The question startled him, and Rei couldn’t stop himself from lifting his face, realizing too late that Nagisa could see the tears that were still making their way to his chin and his red, blotchy cheeks, the whole display nowhere approaching beautiful, and he wanted to cry all over again.

Of course they would send Nagisa. They knew Rei couldn’t say no to him. This is the part where he went back, they laughed it off as a joke, and he waited until they were sick of him, and he knew he would cling desperately to every minute of it.

“Rei-chan…” Nagisa’s brow was pinched in worry, an expression Rei rarely saw on him. He reached a hand out toward Rei’s arm, and Rei felt himself flinch. Nagisa stopped. “Rei-chan, please don’t cry. It’s going to be okay.”

“Okay!?” Rei spat out, incredulous. “It might be okay for _you_ , for them, but how will it be okay for me?”

“Because we care about you, Rei-chan.” Nagisa gave him a small, sad smile. “Will you let me just talk to you for a minute?”

Rei closed his eyes. He waged war with himself. If he didn’t stay strong now…

“Pleeease,” Nagisa whined, and Rei exhaled slowly. He couldn’t say no to Nagisa.

He opened his eyes. “Alright. But just for a minute.”

“That’s more than enough time!” Nagisa’s smile widened impossibly, and he plopped onto his bottom in the sand and folded his legs. Then he set a green blob on his lap, which, Rei realized when he squinted to get a better look at it, was his backpack.

For what felt like the millionth time in one night, Rei felt the bottom drop out of his stomach while a lump formed in his throat. They weren’t going to convince him to come back, they were throwing him out now.

“Makoto wanted me to bring you this, in case you wanted to go home,” Nagisa was saying, but the first few words sounded like they came to him through water. He stopped squinting at the bag and squinted at Nagisa’s face instead, trying to comprehend what he meant. Nagisa had been sent here to break up with him, right? Then why was he acting like Rei had a choice?

Nagisa giggled, but it was much more subdued than his normal bursts of laughter. “You look cute squinting like that, Rei-chan. But, here…” He sifted through the bag a little, before producing Rei’s glasses and holding them out to him.

Rei took them, frowning a little as he put them on. “They could have been broken, left out in the bag like that.”

“They’re fine. Just like Rei-chan is going to be.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Rei repeated, his voice somewhere between angry and despairing. “I’ll be fine unless Rin comes back. Then, I’ll just be-“

“ _No_!”

Nagisa didn’t let him finish, instead grabbing his hands and looking seriously into his eyes. Rei realized with a start that Nagisa was holding back tears of his own. He’d never seen the carefree boy so distraught.

“That isn’t true! We all miss Rin-chan, so much, but not _instead_ of you! _Including_ you!”

Rei’s eyes opened wide. “Including…?” he repeated, like he’d never heard the word before. Nagisa nodded frantically.

“It’s true, Rei-chan! You’re important to us! You can’t leave. We need you!” He leaned forward and grabbed Rei’s hands, holding them tight, and this time Rei didn’t flinch away. “Not because we need a butterfly swimmer, or a fourth person, but because you’re _our_ Rei.”

The world spun around, and Rei couldn’t stop the pinpricks of moisture at the corners of his eyes from forming. He moved his hands enough that he was holding them back and his heart did a somersault as Nagisa smiled at him in return.

“Don’t be afraid,” Nagisa said. “You’ll never be replaced here.”

Rei made a nervous but happy noise at the back of his throat and ducked his face behind his knees for a moment. A few deep breaths, in and out, feeling Nagisa’s thumb rub the top of his hand gently.

He thought about the first time Nagisa kissed him, bold like he did everything else, leaning over the edge of the pool and catching him just as he surfaced from the water, grinning roguishly before hopping up and running off, leaving Rei a flustered mess who sank down into the water to hide his burning face. He thought about the way Makoto have given him a smile one day, one that he had never seen before but would many times after, kind but with a wary lust behind it, like he loved you with everything he had but was afraid it could hurt you, somehow. How he’d run his hand through Rei’s hair like a fond older brother, then slid it down the side of his face and taken his chin more like a lover, and then left when Rei was sure he would have kissed him instead, eyes sad. Remembered Haru leaning on his chair and saying, “Can’t we fix this by all being together?” in a bored tone like he was suggesting they take an umbrella in case it rained, and remembered the joyous looks on Nagisa and Makoto’s face, on his own face, as they’d warmed up to the idea. He thought about Haruka taking his face in his hands the night Rei had doubts, kissing him with the gentle admonishment that he thought too much and too hard. He remembered weeks later when Nagisa had said that if they were going to do this, they should do it _right_ , remembered the feel of the lock under his hand as he himself turned it so they wouldn’t be disturbed.

He needed them, he realized. And maybe they needed Rin, but that didn’t stop them from needing _him_ just as much.

He looked back up. Nagisa hadn’t moved, watching him expectantly and with a little anxiety. It looked wrong on his normally cheerful face, and Rei smiled with more strength than he’d thought he had in him.

“Alright. I’ll go back with you.”

Nagisa’s face brightened immediately, and he leapt to his feet and jumped in the air, pumping his fist. Rei’s backpack, forgotten, tumbled into the sand.

“I knew you would, Rei-chan, I just knew you would! We never doubted you for a second! Mako-chan and Haru-chan are going to be so happy-“

Rei let him babble on while he uncurled from his ball. His legs were a little cramped up, but what bothered him the most was his ankle. He folded his leg up to get a better look at it while extending his uninjured leg out, bumping into Nagisa a little, and that’s when the joyous boy looked down at him again.

“Ah- Rei-chan, how _is_ your ankle?” he asked, crouching back down again.

“It looks alright, I think,” said Rei slowly. He could see the damage much better now that he had his glasses, and while it was definitely bruising, he didn’t think it was broken or sprained. “Just a little bruising, and- Nagisa-kun, what are you doing!?”

Nagisa had taken his ankle in his hands and stretched Rei’s injured leg out, leaning down to kiss it a bit more sensually than Rei felt was really necessary. “I’m kissing it to make it better,” he said by way of explanation, and Rei flushed.

“It’s fine without it. Please stop.”

Nagisa looked up at him and wiggled his eyebrows. “Don’t doubt the power of magic kisses, Rei-chan!”

Rei was still blushing, and he looked pointedly away. “It’s hardly scientifically proven that kisses have any effect on the rate of healing _Nagisa will you please stop_.”

Nagisa had started kissing his way up Rei’s leg. He looked up with a huff. “Come on, Rei-chan, this is probably the most innocent place I’ve kissed you tonight!”

Rei put a hand over his face. “Never mind, I’ll stay here.”

Nagisa laughed and stood up, and when Rei looked again, Nagisa had his hand extended down for him.

“Come on, Rei-chan. They’re waiting for us to come back.”

Rei took Nagisa’s hand and was helped to his feet. The moment he was up, Nagisa threw his arms around Rei’s waist.

“We’re never going to replace you,” he promised again.

Rei only gave a moment’s hesitation before hugging back, and saying the only thing he could think of. 

“Thank you.”

…

“Mako-chan! Haru-chan! We’re back!”

Makoto rushed out of the tent like it was on fired, jogging down the beach a little to meet them. Haruka took a little longer coming out, but he too came down the beach to stand by Makoto as Rei and Nagisa arrived.

On their walk back, Rei had been trying to think of something to say while Nagisa babbled on incessantly next to him. He’d insisted on pulling on sweatpants before coming back, and occasionally he played with the drawstring nervously. If Nagisa noticed, he didn’t comment on it. Rei had a feeling he _did_ notice, though.

But before he could say anything at all, Makoto was hugging him desperately, his body easily engulfing Rei’s. 

“I’m so sorry, Rei,” he was rambling into Rei’s hair. “I didn’t mean to do it and I know it hurt you so much and I’m so sorry-“

“It’s alright,” Rei assured him. “I’m sorry, I guess I got a little jealous.”

Jealous wasn’t really the right word, but before he could gather his thoughts to clarify himself, Makoto was pressing lips to his forehead.

“I’m sure Nagisa told you this, but you’re one of us, Rei. Nothing will ever change that.”

Rei smiled despite himself, and said, “I know. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“Next time you could just talk to us instead of running away,” said Haru, and Nagisa promptly attached himself to Haru’s arm.

“You’re one to talk, Haru-chan! The only place you smile is on the inside.” He pouted as he started to tug Haru back towards the tent. “If you smile really big, I’ll give you all the mackerel you want on Monday!”

“…”

“You’re going to have to do better than that if you want the _good_ mackerel!”

Rei let Makoto take his hand and lead him back to the tent as well. No matter what, he had a place here. 

And maybe, once they’d all fallen asleep, he could try running his hand through their hair without waking any of them up.


End file.
